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[22 Oct 2008|10:52am] |
Today has been nice, I enjoy Wednesdays. Yesterday was a horrible day all together. Oh well its over. I fractured my foot two saturdays ago. I had to use crutches and everything it was so horrible. I felt like a baby because i couldn't do anything myself and i had to hop around all the time.
Luke brought me flowers to work today! He has only gotten me flowers once and that was off his grandmothers rose bush.
I guess he is kind of sweet.
I love him but sometimes he just makes me so mad or sad.
I hate our life together sometimes just because we never do anything, i never get to see any of my friends or go out really.
Last saturday was really fun though we got coffee and then went to target and bought a new trash can and lots of organic mac & cheese. We got a basketball he wants to start playing at WL smith playground since we can walk there.
We went to the mall and i got a 50 dollar sweater from Pac Sun. Its a Billabong sweater its so cute. And then we made steaks and got drunk.
& thats about it really. one more day and i am off for two days!
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| rantrantrantrant |
[14 May 2008|08:40pm] |
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everyday i wake up and wish i was somebody else. or i wish i was dead. or that i could just sleep forever. no matter what, at some point during the day i hate myself. i hate the way i look, i hate everything about myself and my life. i don't know what to do anymore. because i can't change anything about myself. i started walking/jogging two miles a day. i am still fat. i am still ugly and have horrible acme. i look like shit. i don't want to eat and i still eat because i am bored. i could go do anything in the world that i wanted when luke works every friday and saturday night until two am. but i sit at my house and smoke lots and read magazines or watch shows that i have seen at least three times before. i don't have anything to talk about when i do socially interact with people. i just talk about what i saw on best week ever but of course no one has seen that because they have goddamn lives on friday nights. i go hang out with my mom every night that luke is not off. i love my mom too i just wish i had someone to hang out with. people invite me to do shit all the time. like i am "friends" with people in the sense that i am nice to them and they are nice to me but i never feel like going to do something. a few weekends ago i drove around with julia for 2 or 3 hours and we never once stopped talking. the entire time there was never one awkward silence. she is my best friend even though we only hang out a few times a year. i miss being able to connect with someone like that. you would think being at home all the time my house would be spotless and nice. no. it looks like shit. i don't do anything. i have lived there almost a year and haven't hung one picture or dusted. i am disgusting i have turned into a horrible human being. i can't keep track of my money and i always feel so disgusting and poor. i just don't want to leave the house on my days off. i feel like everyone just thinks i am disgusting and fat. because i am. i feel better when i am drunk or high but...i can't be like that all the time. i went to my friend sarah's party and i had an anxiety attack before i got there. i had tons of fun when i was there. i just wish i was brave enough to go do that more often. not waste my youth sitting at a house watching reruns of shows. what i am i going to do with my life...i don't know if i want to be a psychology major anymore but i am already three years into it. whats the point in changing. i have a brand new digital camera and it just sits there because i hate the way i look i hate every picture i take of myself. i am so fat. i need to get back into therapy because all i can think when i go out is that people think i am ugly and fat. or that i am lame. i want to just have friends but i can't keep friends i don't know whats wrong with me. why every friend i have that i think is going to be my best friend something always goes wrong. minta, melani, ginger, kelcey, becky, brittany. i don't want to be 40 and be alone every night. never have anyone come to my birthday parties or even care that it is my birthday. i want to move away and start over.
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[30 Jan 2008|09:51pm] |
i haven't updated in a long time so i thought i would since project runway is a rerun.
i live in a three bed room house in petal now. its pretty sweet. my dad hung my blinds yesterday. i have a welsh corgi named taco. he is my best friend. i start william carey in a few days. 19 to be exact. i am kind of excited but nervous about it. i am 21 now. it feels pretty fancy and grown up. but not all that grown up. i love gossip magazines and vh1. i am getting a new car soon. the super bowl is sunday and i am having a party. i am excited! i still work at corner market. a big 4 years. i am getting trained to do book keeping next saturday so i will get a raise. and the swipey thing to do voids. and the respect from all the other cashiers. rocking! i am ready for this awesome tax rebate we all are getting this year. i am going to buy luke a wii and he is getting me an engagement ring. or atleast thats what i hope. i know i am getting a solitaire but i dunno if its gonna be the awesome engagement ring. i think it should be. i want to be engaged for a few years. its been four fucking years. its about time.
anyways i miss you guys i will update more often <3
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[21 May 2007|08:51pm] |
i am such a push over. most of my lunch break today was spent doing stuff for other people.
i had to drop off a camera for a girl.
and then pick up lunch for my manger.
jesus. anyways. yesterday luke bought me spreadable cheese and crackers. it is so good. i <3 it. we watched tv and the sopranos.
gah. i saw this girl that i went to jones with and she is so skinny now its creepy because she has a big head.
its weird to have friends that you like being friends with but you are embarrassed to be seen with them in public. friends from work mostly.
brittany and lindsay came in on friday with travis and it was nice to talk and get hugs. i miss my old friends. brittany was so nice. and then i saw her saturday morning too.
i need to start hanging out with more females. i want to see the reno 911 movie again too.
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[11 May 2007|07:53pm] |
BLAH!
its summer. which means its time to get a second job. because i want to have cash money. simple enough.
my dog has chewed up every pair of shoes i own. except one pair i hide in the car. so i am shoeless. well almost.
last night was margarita night. that was fun. michael and kyle came over.
i am excited about rainy nights and NBA playoffs. and plus intervention comes on but its a re run so its not that great.
i dont have to be at work until 12. YES! that rules.
we have like the best neighbors in the entire world ever. nate, eric, dank, and lulu. they are great.
i am going to make brownies and wait for luke to get home and shower with me. because that is what must be done. my feet are black from playing outside.
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[05 May 2007|07:27pm] |
anything worth posting? i am not sure.
work has been work-ish. i had a great day with luke the other day. i got paid and we went driving around and just found fun places to go. it was nice. its nice to have fun and such.
i miss not having to be so responsible but what can you do?
i want cheese sticks. now.
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[31 Mar 2007|08:13pm] |
tomorrow crawfish boil bitches.
plus friends and beer.
burgers for me, i dont eat mud bug.
there has been NO crisp apple hornsby in the tri-county area for like 5 days.
i am dying.
and woodchuck = wood-suck. 4% alcohol is for the weak.
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[28 Mar 2007|11:07pm] |
and so i will post an entry super fast because i need some documentation.
last week sucked
this week rules.
duh
luke bought me the most fabulous ring you could buy
i got a new phone! i have a five button now!
i got my hair done, i am now blonde and awesome.
tanning is awesome
being a girl is awesome
getting my period is awesome because there wont be no babies.
and babies suck, dick.
but not puppies, puppies rule. end of story.
tomorrow, i will conquer the olive garden.
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[16 Mar 2007|05:48pm] |
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tomorrow luke turns 21. yay! it will be fun, bar hopping fun. its been a hard week. my chester got hit by a car. i miss him alot. i am sad all the time now for no reason...so i am confused and upset. anyways, i am going to buy a red bull. sugar free of course.
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[23 Feb 2007|08:20am] |
so maybe i am boring.and i need a hair cut.
i should probably care more about myself than simply my eye make up.
i smell like puppy at all times.i drink and smoke too much.
i am constantly late.
showers take an hour at the least.
i am content with this all.
i wear make up for days at a time.
i go to the tanning bed.
i have one pair of shoes.i wear three shirts out of the 47 i have.
i feel fat. i am fat. i hate my period. i dont hate school like i wish i did.
i never study. i really need to.
i dont sleep anymore. i take naps.
i stay up until 5 then school at 7.
sometimes i think i am turning into a damn hippie.
damn hippies.i drive 103.
i am crazy crazy.
even though i know others who are crazier than i.
i cant tell if i love or hate my job and myself.
i cant tell if i am losing myself.
i am not the same anymore, but i think i like myself this way.
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| its cold |
[14 Feb 2007|09:36am] |
gah. its cold.
and i am typing an english paper.
AND i have work.
AND you know what today is?
valentines day. i get to do flower arrangements all day.
fuck. me.
besides that, we have been renting alot of movies.
we watched the departed last night. it was great.
i heart the mob.
i feel all grown up having a job, school, bills and a dog.
tiny family.
speaking of which, vacation time is coming up soon!
i want to go camping.
actually, i want to go home and get in the bed and nap.
last week my cousin lost her twin boys.
so i had to go to a funeral and deal with that.
not fun.
i cant think of anything to type in here anymore.
i dont bitch as much as i use too.
good for me.
i did go crazy on luke last week. but i gave taco a bath and he forgave me. he rules.
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[05 Feb 2007|01:59pm] |
I got a raise at work. i have not been online because my computer crashed.
& i am lazy as hell.
I got my puppy.
his name is taco aka commander bun bun
he is pretty bad ass.
the best christmas present ever.
the colts won the super bowl! go colts!
minta finally moved out, yay!
now its like i have my own little family and its great.
i have had a lot of anxiety attacks lately but thats ok i suppose.
schools sucks. 730 classes are hellish.
besides that whatever.
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[19 Sep 2006|10:29am] |
go willie nelson!
& outside it feels like heaven today.
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[05 Sep 2006|12:28pm] |
i skipped 1st this morning.
now i am getting harassed by a tiny spider in math.
its pure evil. karma is a bitch.
today we are going to see little miss sunshine and nip/tuck's new season starts tonight.
& my mom bought me a bottle of wine, score.
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| fist |
[18 Aug 2006|07:09pm] |
apparently i am very angry.
angry to the point of wanting to destroy someone.
i am not mad at anyone, i am just mad at life. because this is all there is. no more surprises, life doesn't get better. its a cycle of daily activities. everyday is the same, i hear the same things. new tv shows are like re-runs because its all the same.
there is nothing new to happen & i wonder if this is how its going to be forever.
just waking up everyday to please everyone but yourself. then feeling bad about everything. I dont know if its just me that wants to cry about everything or if everyone really feels as miserable inside as me.
its not a comfort anymore. your going to try to escape reality because of boredom but then its just the same when you come down, everything is the same.
i am just worthless, not in the way that i feel sorry for myself in the way that everyone is truly worthless and can be replaced. & all along we thought we were contributing to the world but we are just making it go round. we are just here.
no one believes they would ever do things people consider wrong. no one thinks they are going to turn out to be a hooker, it just happens because thats the deck you were handed.
it happens...its just hard to believe that we could slip so far and never even realize it.
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| we sang old country songs & laughed |
[29 May 2006|01:39pm] |
well. i want a nap.
i have been busy working up a storm. trying to get a good pay check, maybe.
saturday lesley called and wanted us to pick her up.
so we did. we saw her new house and creepy amount of salad dressing the old man kept in his bedroom closet.
we made it back to my house with her puppy.
then we made a snuggle sandwich.
& ate pizza and watched sex and city.
played with puppies.
friday we went to a country music show and i was kind of tipsy.
they had a fair so we rode rides
talked to the carnies.
came home and drank.
i make the best food when i am intoxicated.
watched cartoons, nothing new.
yesterdayyyyy i had to work and this lady that i have caught TWICE already using bad checks, came in again right before nine. tried to buy 300 dollars worth of stuff, her check was bad, she bitched and left.
she is a complete crack head and i didnt get off work until 940 because we had to put back the groceries.
luke and i played donkey kong, we can't get past this one part in the snow zone.
its hard.
well i have work soon.
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| turn it on, turn me on...mmmm |
[31 Mar 2006|10:38am] |
| [ |
music |
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u2 - in a little while |
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this guy at work named "don" put a fake name on his application.
apparently, he had been to prison for seven years.
i am excited about today.
Minta & Myself are taking off for a superfriends 2006 adventure.
Traveling to the coast for thrift shopping.
coming back to the HUB.
Minta, our BF's and I are going to hang out at her apartment. possible walmart...
crazy things will happen, because its minta and pirate seth. PLUS fuzzy aka luke.
i am going to purchase a camera, because i know we are going to "feel" pretty enough to take glamor shots of each other. I have to get all dolled up, its like the first day in awhile i have felt the need to put on extreme amounts of make up, plus styling of my hair.
i have been lazy lazy today. i am just so tired from work and school.
i want a nap but everytime i lay down to take one, i just lay there looking at the tv or whatever maybe in the room. i am not really watching it, just staring.
( math...boredom ramblings )
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